confessione

confession:
everytime I read something about my past I feel stupid.(sometimes)
I don't care about it all now.
past is past. past should always be 'past'.
I love my present.

parole scritte anni fa per il bastardo di turno.
confessione:
ogni volta che rileggo del mio passato mi sento stupida.
non me ne importa niente ora.
il passato è passato. il passato dovrebbe sempre essere 'passato'.
amo il mio presente io.

When You Wish Upon a Cloud

How many times does LOVE crumble because we cannot learn to GIVE rather than always TAKE LOVE. It's a two way thing and it's scary how many people go into relationships and marriage looking for someone to complete love them, and then forget to REALLY LOVE the partner.

i cry

one day i met a precious soul
whose words had touched my heart
his poetry resounded so
it tore my soul apart
but when i tried my thoughts to speak
emotion made my mind so weak
and time stood still for days to month
i bathed him in my tears
i cried, i cried
tears of joy, tears of pain
i cried, i cried
tears of love again and again
some people turn to pills and things
to help them through the day
to take them up or down or just
to ease the blues away
but me i really want to feel
the ups and downs of life so real
happy or sad emotions reign
my tears flow just the same
gonna burn so completely i leave no trace
though so many out there would laugh in my face
for wearing emotion so close to the skin
condemn me they might if to love's such a sin

Ya Allah, permudahkan ku...

I Spell Destiny

Finally i went to darul atiq..the place where i perceived it remarkable!!lookin at me now..i think i am a well person..better than before..:) some may said that i got a sign from Him but whatever it is only me who knows better..

alhamdullilah..:)

i learnt

I learnt ..
How To deal with things
How to deal with pain to be my gain

I learnt ..
How to stand in the graveyard
How to smile in the middle of the war ..
When all people trying to shot my heart

I learnt ..
How to feel joy when all things make me cry
How to find a laugh in a tear ..

I learnt ..
How to appreciate every minute with you
How to be the one who make it all right ..

I learnt ..
How to write when there are no pens
How to talk without words ..
How to draw a great fasia without colors

I learnt ..
How To be The winner in the race
How to stick on the personality instead of the face
How to help my friends and make their problems my case

I learnt ..
How that little tiny things make our life so great
How does it affect a lot if you have a faithful mate

I learnt ..
How to be strong
How to stand straight for so long
and How to love my family, my country and anything to it I belong

I learnt ..
How to be honest and never lie
How to respect people praivecy and never spy

I learnt ..
How to be aware also, guide
How to feel people hurts even they're deep inside
And
All that by being between your arms, Just in your side

weird

i know the the fact,the real thing but i refused to believed.

Allah show me something..He show me a way..but i refused to follow.

IF

if i forget to tell you just how much you mean to me,
i hope that you will remember while you are not here with me..

if i forget to tell you that you are my world and more,
i hope that you will remember what i am waiting for

if i forget to tell you i want you in my life,
i hope that you will remember that i am always by your side

if i forget to tell you i love you more than words,
i hope that you will remember regardless of the hurt

if i forget to tell you i am sorry for my mistakes,
i hope that you will remember with every one i make

if i forget to tell you no other can compare,
i hope that you will remember the love that we both share

if i forget to tell you i miss you everyday,
i hope that you will remember your absence causes pain

if i forget to tell you that forever is what i want,
i hope you will remember that forever is what we have got.

whether i say these words to you, or wait until you are here with me, i will show you this forever, and these words will have no need.

COUNTING THE DAY....

screamed as load as i cud..

can you hear me?
ive screamed about as loud as
i thought it possible for lungs to yield
in one outburst
one shaking release of
hard, restrained breath
breath that finally broken free,
shatters the very molecules of the air
into which it is woven
ive remained silent while
i play with the frayed splinters of
the unraveling hem of my sainity
held my head up high while i passed through
flames and razors and endless days and sleepless nights
can you hear me?

I will huff and puff and blow you away, today. ..

Diary + Marlboro Red = Feel better!!

twinkle, twinkle, little bat!!
how I wonder what you're at!!
up above the world you fly,
like a teatray in the sky.

every now and then i still fall apart . . . when the rain falls . . .

when i see a familiar image
when i hear a familiar voice
when i hum a familiar tune
and i ask the same questions
i have asked once before
is it all worth it
to bear the marks
of a wounded heart
is it all worth it
to shed a tear
for lives torn apart
is it all worth it
to keep the thoughts
of a love long gone
is it all worth it
to hold the hope
for a brand new dawn
when wounds are healed
and tears are shed no more
when scars are sealed
and love is found once more
and i answer
IT IS ALL WORTH IT


*it was raining heavily last night about 3a.m..

"make a wish, hold it tight, keep it safe with all your might, and one day out of the blue, all your wishes may come true"

i find myself yet again in the presence of something so intimately grand that i feel a need to make this plea to Someone i know is much greater than all of us:

hold this moment for me
let me soar in its sky of wonder
let me swim in its ocean of love
let me walk down its path of truth
and if forever is in this moment
then hold forever for me
even if for just a moment

Allah Yang Satu..

what thanks can i presume to give
to you who live the gracious life of giving
of giving and receiving the golden gift of love
what i want to say today in this or any other way can never be expressed
it is best felt and understood in the small voice of gratitude
in thoughts, not words that one may have the will, but not the skill
to fashion and impart when all the loud and clouded hours are still
in the unvoiced responses of the thank-filled heart
the sudden start of the awakened pulse that quickens and exults
always remember this, thankfulness is a boon
a pleasant and a joyful thing to bring, a lasting pleasure for us to treasure
to relish and renew again and yet again
thanks for everything that's good and true: YOU

standing on the edge, and remembering how to be happy once again..

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes..

"enfold me with your love, but allow me to blossom the way i should"

were as one babe
for a moment in time
and it seemed everlasting
that you would always be mine
now you want to be free
so I’m letting you fly
cause i know in my heart babe
our love will never dieno!you’ll always be a part of me
i’m a part of you indefinitely
girl, don’t you know you can’t escape me
ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
and we’ll linger on
time can’t erase a feeling this strong
no way you’re never gonna shake me
ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
i ain’t gonna cry no
and i won’t beg you to stay
if you’re determined to leave

i will not stand in your way
but inevitably you’ll be back again
cause ya know in your heart babe
our love will never end no

i know that you’ll be back babe

-from Always Be My Baby performed by David Cook

*I was amazed by this song.david cook lookin hot!lol.i wish someday that will be a guy that can play me this song..:). isn't its a cute song to hear?


Here’s the entire song if you wish to listen to it (video will open in a new window).

the sun also shines in the land of tears..

fear not if you find yourself
in this land of tears
embrace the sorrow
and allow it to nurture your strength
the sun will soon shine unabashed
reflected many times over
in every drop of tear

-n 2.54 a.m-

Looking By A Moment

There are times when I look at my life in time horizons

only to come back into this moment
after all, what matters most is the here and now
however laden it is memories of the past
even if only has heavy glimpses of the future
the here and now is where I get to decide whats next..
amin~

Always Chasing Sumthing

i write in pain
and in joy
remembering times
of raindrops
and coins
of sunlight
of starless nights
and of glorious dawns
of bruised knees
and of games won
perhaps i am
a wounded victor
or am i a lucky loser
no matter
i keep on playing
my best
score me a thousand
for trying
please

and i stand in awe of You

Can anybody tell me why we're lying here on the floor
And neither of us can barely breathe at all
The doctors saying hold on tight as we say our last goodbyes
And this is a moment that changes our whole lives
And I still believe in the good, and I still believe in the light
And I wanna feel the sun , I wanna free you tonight
And I still believe in the good, and I still believe in the light
And I wanna feel the sun, I wanna free you
And I'm falling, watching as you're hurting
I'm down here I'm on my knees, how can I survive?
And you turn to me and promise me you're ready
And tell me you'll be waiting on the other side

-from Into the Light performed by Maria Brink of In The Moment

*I stumbled upon this song by accident. I found it quite profound and haunting. And I thought about how so many of us have had to deal with “last goodbyes”.

Here’s the ENTIRE SONG if you wish to listen to it (video will open in a new window).

~i need u,syahiid.

I dropped a tear in the ocean

tahukah kau begitu aku puja kau dalam hati aku?

"relationships must be like islands. one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands surrounded and interrupted by the sea, continually visited and abandoned by the tides."

wondering

*view from my house
this pic i was taken right after i reach home from work..
as i look at the sky i found that something caught my eyes..
and I've been thinking,wondering and questioning myself..
"Love is something big to explain its feel .."

"Why Allah tested me so many thing that i couldn't barely face it?"
"If i die today,would they cry for me?"
"Why is hard for me to let him go?"

*and still i don't have the answer for that..

untitled

yes it is alright to be casual.. get on with life... but before he go, i want to tell him that he got the best in me and hope he saw that.. I know he love me and I love him too but he have some doubts on me and his not sure of me which is very hard to think about.. don't wish me happiness.. until i wont get over him, there wont be happiness.. and I know he will tell me that he wont have happiness too.. we both hurt each other.. like the song says "I did my best but i guess my best wasn't good enough"... well ... I don't know what to tell him anymore... he decided for this....but he got me at my best and he got the best love in me.. now i know that good things come to an end.. i will miss him.. and goodbye to him even though it's breaking my heart..and I dont want to hurt him in any way.. but he decided to somehow end this... i saw it clear... of course i am not happy with that.i cried to each day.. what can i do?? the only permanent things in this world are changes... and i want him to know that i am glad that I have met him... we had beautiful dreams together.. but these dreams turned out to be a beautiful nightmare...i loved him with all my heart and soul...But u know it felt like I've lost my life now... I will be loving him from a far... though it's breaking my heart..